The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World by Dalai Lama

Author:Dalai Lama [Lama, Dalai]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-7679-2909-7
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2009-06-06T16:00:00+00:00

In discussing an approach to dealing with realistic fears, based on legitimate threats, the Dalai Lama begins with the simple act of accepting that some degree of danger is a natural part of human existence. This idea is one that he had frequently brought up in the past as a general strategy to deal with virtually any kind of problem or form of human suffering. He had explained in the past how our fundamental attitude about problems and suffering can affect how we cope with these things when they inevitably arise. Accepting suffering as a natural fact of human existence allows us to focus more on finding a solution to the problem, and less on feeling that life is unfair, that one is unfairly and unreasonably singled out for misfortune, becoming less caught up in the drama of the “victim” role.

But in this context, I was looking for a strategy to deal more specifically with realistic fears, and I found his advice in this case to be quite disappointing! With an air of resignation, at least as it seemed to me at the time, he had nothing to offer except the simplistic advice to talk about one’s fears and concerns, sharing them with others. As a practical and effective method to reduce one’s fears, I had a hard time swallowing the idea that merely sharing one’s fear with others could have much benefit. Of course, I thought, it is always nice having others with whom one can talk. But as a method to help combat fears and to deal with legitimate threats, it seemed to me that the result of sharing your fear with another could just as easily be that instead of reducing your own fear you increase the other guy’s fears, so now you have two people feeling fear, instead of one. How could that help?

In thinking of his advice as being perhaps shallow, there were a few things that failed to occur to me. For example, when treating psychotherapy patients in the past, I had noticed that some patients reported that they felt much less anxious and much better after just one or two sessions in which essentially all I had done was listen to them, nod my head, and offer the brilliant and insightful remark “Uh, huh …” Often I’d disparagingly dismiss these quick improvements as simply a “flight into health,” a phenomenon long recognized by psychotherapists in which the patient gets much better very quickly after simply talking about their problems, which therapists sometimes interpret merely as a kind of denial mechanism, a way of avoiding digging deeper into their painful issues. But more recently some theorists are seeing this phenomenon in a new way, as representing legitimate improvement. And besides that, sharing one’s fears and anxieties in psychotherapy can in itself sometimes provide powerful relief of at least one layer of worry or anxiety simply by the patient discovering that they are “normal,” that others share similar worries, that they are not unique or alone in their fears.

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